Family Communications
Elder Marvin J. AshtonOf the Council of the Twelve

Some weeks ago a bewildered father asked, “Why is it I seem to be able to communicate with everyone except my own son?”
I responded with, “What do you mean you can’t communicate with your son?”
“It’s just that whenever I try to tell him anything, he tunes me out,” he replied.
During our private discussion which followed, and very often since, I have concluded that perhaps one of the principal reasons we fail to relate appropriately with family members is because we fail to apply some basics of personal communications. In Heb. 13:16 we read, “But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.” Communications in the family will often be a sacrifice because we are expected to use our time, our means, our talent, and our patience to impart, share, and understand. Too often we use communication periods as occasions to tell, dictate, plead, or threaten. Nowhere in the broadest sense should communication in the family be used to impose, command, or embarrass.
To be effective, family communication must be an exchange of feelings and information. Doors of communication will swing open in the home if members will realize time and participation on the part of all are necessary ingredients. In family discussions, differences should not be ignored, but should be weighed and evaluated calmly. One’s point or opinion usually is not as important as a healthy, continuing relationship. Courtesy and respect in listening and responding during discussions are basic in proper dialogue. As we learn to participate together in meaningful associations, we are able to convey our thoughts of love, dependence, and interest. When we are inclined to give up in despair in our efforts to communicate because other family members have failed to respond, perhaps we would do well not to give up, but rather to give and take in our conversations. How important it is to know how to disagree with another’s point of view without being disagreeable. How important it is to have discussion periods ahead of decisions. Jones Stephens wrote, “I have learned that the head does not hear anything until the heart has listened, and that what the heart knows today the head will understand tomorrow.”
Let me share with you seven basic suggestions for more effective family communication.
1. A willingness to sacrifice. Be the kind of a family member who is willing to take time to be available. Develop the ability and self-discipline to think of other family members and their communication needs ahead of your own—a willingness to prepare for the moment—the sharing moment, the teaching moment. Shed the very appearance of preoccupation in self, and learn the skill of penetrating a family member’s shield of preoccupation. Sad is the day when a daughter is heard to say, “My mother gives me everything except herself.”
Too early and too often we sow the seeds of “Can’t you see I’m busy? Don’t bother me now.” When we convey the attitude of “Go away, don’t bother me now,” family members are apt to go elsewhere or isolate themselves in silence. All family members on some occasion or other must be taken on their own terms so they will be willing to come, share, and ask.
It takes personal sacrifice to communicate when conditions are right for the other person—during the meal preparation, after a date, a hurt, a victory, a disappointment, or when someone wants to share a confidence. One must be willing to forego personal convenience to invest time in establishing a firm foundation for family communication. When communication in the family seems to be bogging down, each individual should look to himself for the remedy.
If we would know true love and understanding one for another, we must realize that communication is more than a sharing of words. It is the wise sharing of emotions, feelings, and concerns. It is the sharing of oneself totally. “Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.” (James 3:13.)
2. A willingness to set the stage. The location, setting, or circumstances should be comfortable, private, and conversation-conducive. Effective communications have been shared in a grove of trees, on the mount, by the sea, in family home evening, during a walk, in a car, during a vacation, a hospital visit, on the way to school, during the game. When the stage is set, we must be willing to let the other family member be front and center as we appropriately respond.
Months and years after the score of a baseball game is long forgotten, the memory of having been there all alone with Dad will never dim. I’ll not soon forget a ten-year-old girl excitedly telling me she had just ridden in the car with her daddy all the way from Salt Lake to Provo and back. “Was the radio on?” I asked. “Oh, no,” she responded, “all Daddy did was listen and talk to me.” She had her daddy all to herself in a setting she’ll not soon forget. Let the stage be set whenever the need is there. Let the stage be set whenever the other person is ready.
3. A willingness to listen. Listening is more than being quiet. Listening is much more than silence. Listening requires undivided attention. The time to listen is when someone needs to be heard. The time to deal with a person with a problem is when he has the problem. The time to listen is the time when our interest and love are vital to the one who seeks our ear, our heart, our help, and our empathy.
We should all increase our ability to ask comfortable questions, and then listen—intently, naturally. Listening is a tied-in part of loving. How powerful are the words, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
“For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” (James 1:19–20.)
4. A willingness to vocalize feelings. How important it is to be willing to voice one’s thoughts and feelings. Yes, how important it is to be able to converse on the level of each family member. Too often we are inclined to let family members assume how we feel toward them. Often wrong conclusions are reached. Very often we could have performed better had we known how family members felt about us and what they expected.
John Powell shares this touching experience: “It was the day my father died. … In the small hospital room, I was supporting him in my arms, when … my father slumped back, and I lowered his head gently onto the pillow. I … told my mother … :
“ ‘It’s all over, Mom. Dad is dead.’
“She startled me. I will never know why these were her first words to me after his death. My mother said: ‘Oh, he was so proud of you. He loved you so much.’
“Somehow I knew … that these words were saying something very important to me. They were like a sudden shaft of light, like a startling thought I had never before absorbed. Yet there was a definite edge of pain, as though I were going to know my father better in death than I had ever known him in life.
“Later, while a doctor was verifying death, I was leaning against the wall in the far corner of the room, crying softly. A nurse came over to me and put a comforting arm around me. I couldn’t talk through my tears. I wanted to tell her:
“ ‘I’m not crying because my father is dead. I’m crying because my father never told me that he was proud of me. He never told me that he loved me. Of course, I was expected to know these things. I was expected to know the great part I played in his life and the great part I occupied of his heart, but he never told me.’ ” (The Secret of Staying in Love, Niles, Ill.: Argus, 1974, p. 68.)
How significant are God’s words when he took the time to vocalize his feelings with, “This is my beloved Son,” yes, even the powerful communication, “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” (Matt. 3:17.)
Often parents communicate most effectively with their children by the way they listen to and address each other. Their conversations showing gentleness and love are heard by our ever-alert, impressionable children. We must learn to communicate effectively not only by voice, but by tone, feeling, glances, mannerisms, and total personality. Too often when we are not able to converse with a daughter or wife we wonder, “What is wrong with her?” when we should be wondering, “What is wrong with our methods?” A meaningful smile, an appropriate pat on the shoulder, and a warm handshake are all-important. Silence isolates. Strained silent periods cause wonderment, hurt, and, most often, wrong conclusions.
God knows the full impact of continuing communication as he admonishes us to pray constantly. He, too, has promised to respond as we relate to him effectively.
5. A willingness to avoid judgment. Try to be understanding and not critical. Don’t display shock, alarm, or disgust with others’ comments or observations. Don’t react violently. Work within the framework of a person’s free agency. Convey the bright and optimistic approach. There is hope. There is a way back. There is a possibility for better understanding.
Let a common ground for personal decision be developed. “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more” (John 8:11) are words that are just as gentle and effective today as when they were first uttered.
Avoid imposing your values on others. When we can learn to deal with issues without involving personalities and at the same time avoid bias and emotions, we are on our way to effective family communications. When a family member makes a decision which may be inadequate or improper, do we have the ability and patience to convey the attitude that we don’t agree with his decision but he has the right of choice and is still a loved member of the family?
It is easy to point out mistakes and pass judgment. Sincere compliments and praise come much harder from most of us. It takes real maturity for a parent to apologize to a child for an error. An honest apology often makes the son or daughter feel surprisingly warm toward the mother or father or brother or sister. “For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.” (James 3:2.)
6. A willingness to maintain confidences. Be worthy of trust even in trivial questions and observations. Weighty questions and observations will only follow if we have been trustworthy with the trivial. Treat innermost trusts and concerns with respect. Build on deserved trust. Individuals who are blessed to have a relationship with someone to whom they can confidently talk and trust are fortunate indeed. Who is to say a family trust is not greater than a community trust?
7. A willingness to practice patience. Patience in communication is that certain ingredient of conduct we hope others will exhibit toward us when we fail to measure up. Our own patience is developed when we are patient with others.
“Be patient; be sober; be temperate; have patience, faith, hope and charity.” (D&C 6:19.)
“I get sick and tired of listening to your complaints” and “I have told you a thousand times” are but two of many often-repeated family quotations that indicate patience is gone and channels of communication are plugged.
It takes courage to communicate patiently. We constantly need to express pride, hope, and love on a most sincere basis. Each of us needs to avoid coming through as one who has given up and has become totally weary in trying.
The correction of family members in front of others is to be avoided. Much more notice is taken in quiet, private conversation. Calm endurance is a priceless virtue in one’s relationship with all family members.
When family members tune each other out, communication is not taking place. Words spoken are unheard, unwanted, and resisted when we fail to understand the basics for proper interchange. Each must be willing to do his part to improve, since the family unit is the basic foundation of the Church. Proper communication will always be a main ingredient for building family solidarity and permanence.
I pray our Heavenly Father will help us to communicate more effectively in the home through a willingness to sacrifice, a willingness to listen, a willingness to vocalize feelings, a willingness to avoid judgment, a willingness to maintain confidences, and a willingness to practice patience. “How forcible are right words!” (Job 6:25.) Yes, how forcible are right words shared at the right moment with the right person.
May our gracious and kind Heavenly Father help us in our needs and desires for more effective family communication. Communication can help build family unity if we will work at it and sacrifice for it. For this goal, I pray in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

Jeffrey R. Holland, “The Tongue of Angels,” Ensign, May 2007, 16–18

The Prophet Joseph Smith deepened our understanding of the power of speech when he taught, “It is by words … [that] every being works when he works by faith. God said, ‘Let there be light: and there was light.’ Joshua spake, and the great lights which God had created stood still. Elijah commanded, and the heavens were stayed for the space of three years and six months, so that it did not rain. … All this was done by faith. … Faith, then, works by words; and with [words] its mightiest works have been, and will be, performed.”1 Like all gifts “which cometh from above,” words are “sacred, and must be spoken with care, and by constraint of the Spirit.”2
It is with this realization of the power and sanctity of words that I wish to caution us, if caution is needed, regarding how we speak to each other and how we speak of ourselves.
There is a line from the Apocrypha which puts the seriousness of this issue better than I can. It reads, “The stroke of the whip maketh marks in the flesh: but the stroke of the tongue breaketh the bones.”3 With that stinging image in mind, I was particularly impressed to read in the book of James that there was a way I could be “a perfect man.”
Said James: “For in many things we offend all. [But] if any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.”
Continuing the imagery of the bridle, he writes: “Behold, we put bits in the horses’ mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body.
“Behold also … ships, which though they be … great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm.”
Then James makes his point: “The tongue is [also] a little member. … [But] behold, how great a [forest (Greek)] a little fire [can burn].
“… So is the tongue [a fire] among our members, … it defileth the whole body, … it is set on fire of hell.
“For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, … hath been tamed of mankind:
“But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
“Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God.
“Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.”4
Well, that is pretty straightforward! Obviously James doesn’t mean our tongues are always iniquitous, nor that everything we say is “full of deadly poison.” But he clearly means that at least some things we say can be destructive, even venomous—and that is a chilling indictment for a Latter-day Saint! The voice that bears profound testimony, utters fervent prayer, and sings the hymns of Zion can be the same voice that berates and criticizes, embarrasses and demeans, inflicts pain and destroys the spirit of oneself and of others in the process. “Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing,” James grieves. “My brethren [and sisters], these things ought not so to be.”
Is this something we could all work on just a little? Is this an area in which we could each try to be a little more like a “perfect” man or woman?
Husbands, you have been entrusted with the most sacred gift God can give you—a wife, a daughter of God, the mother of your children who has voluntarily given herself to you for love and joyful companionship. Think of the kind things you said when you were courting, think of the blessings you have given with hands placed lovingly upon her head, think of yourself and of her as the god and goddess you both inherently are, and then reflect on other moments characterized by cold, caustic, unbridled words. Given the damage that can be done with our tongues, little wonder the Savior said, “Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.”5 A husband who would never dream of striking his wife physically can break, if not her bones, then certainly her heart by the brutality of thoughtless or unkind speech. Physical abuse is uniformly and unequivocally condemned in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. If it is possible to be more condemning than that, we speak even more vigorously against all forms of sexual abuse. Today, I speak against verbal and emotional abuse of anyone against anyone, but especially of husbands against wives. Brethren, these things ought not to be.
In that same spirit we speak to the sisters as well, for the sin of verbal abuse knows no gender. Wives, what of the unbridled tongue in your mouth, of the power for good or ill in your words? How is it that such a lovely voice which by divine nature is so angelic, so close to the veil, so instinctively gentle and inherently kind could ever in a turn be so shrill, so biting, so acrid and untamed? A woman’s words can be more piercing than any dagger ever forged, and they can drive the people they love to retreat beyond a barrier more distant than anyone in the beginning of that exchange could ever have imagined. Sisters, there is no place in that magnificent spirit of yours for acerbic or abrasive expression of any kind, including gossip or backbiting or catty remarks. Let it never be said of our home or our ward or our neighborhood that “the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity … [burning] among our members.”
May I expand this counsel to make it a full family matter. We must be so careful in speaking to a child. What we say or don’t say, how we say it and when is so very, very important in shaping a child’s view of himself or herself. But it is even more important in shaping that child’s faith in us and their faith in God. Be constructive in your comments to a child—always. Never tell them, even in whimsy, that they are fat or dumb or lazy or homely. You would never do that maliciously, but they remember and may struggle for years trying to forget—and to forgive. And try not to compare your children, even if you think you are skillful at it. You may say most positively that “Susan is pretty and Sandra is bright,” but all Susan will remember is that she isn’t bright and Sandra that she isn’t pretty. Praise each child individually for what that child is, and help him or her escape our culture’s obsession with comparing, competing, and never feeling we are “enough.”
In all of this, I suppose it goes without saying that negative speaking so often flows from negative thinking, including negative thinking about ourselves. We see our own faults, we speak—or at least think—critically of ourselves, and before long that is how we see everyone and everything. No sunshine, no roses, no promise of hope or happiness. Before long we and everybody around us are miserable.
I love what Elder Orson F. Whitney once said: “The spirit of the gospel is optimistic; it trusts in God and looks on the bright side of things. The opposite or pessimistic spirit drags men down and away from God, looks on the dark side, murmurs, complains, and is slow to yield obedience.”6 We should honor the Savior’s declaration to “be of good cheer.”7 (Indeed, it seems to me we may be more guilty of breaking that commandment than almost any other!) Speak hopefully. Speak encouragingly, including about yourself. Try not to complain and moan incessantly. As someone once said, “Even in the golden age of civilization someone undoubtedly grumbled that everything looked too yellow.”
I have often thought that Nephi’s being bound with cords and beaten by rods must have been more tolerable to him than listening to Laman and Lemuel’s constant murmuring.8 Surely he must have said at least once, “Hit me one more time. I can still hear you.” Yes, life has its problems, and yes, there are negative things to face, but please accept one of Elder Holland’s maxims for living—no misfortune is so bad that whining about it won’t make it worse.
Paul put it candidly, but very hopefully. He said to all of us: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but [only] that which is good … [and] edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
“And grieve not the holy Spirit of God. …
“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you. …
“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”9
In his deeply moving final testimony, Nephi calls us to “follow the Son [of God], with full purpose of heart,” promising that “after ye have … received the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost, [ye] can speak with a new tongue, yea, even with the tongue of angels. … And … how could ye speak with the tongue of angels save it were by the Holy Ghost? Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ.”10 Indeed, Christ was and is “the Word,” according to John the Beloved,11 full of grace and truth, full of mercy and compassion.
So, brothers and sisters, in this long eternal quest to be more like our Savior, may we try to be “perfect” men and women in at least this one way now—by offending not in word, or more positively put, by speaking with a new tongue, the tongue of angels. Our words, like our deeds, should be filled with faith and hope and charity, the three great Christian imperatives so desperately needed in the world today. With such words, spoken under the influence of the Spirit, tears can be dried, hearts can be healed, lives can be elevated, hope can return, confidence can prevail. I pray that my words, even on this challenging subject, will be encouraging to you, not discouraging, that you can hear in my voice that I love you, because I do. More importantly, please know that your Father in Heaven loves you and so does His Only Begotten Son. When They speak to you—and They will—it will not be in the wind, nor in the earthquake, nor in the fire, but it will be with a voice still and small, a voice tender and kind.12 It will be with the tongue of angels. May we all rejoice in the thought that when we say edifying, encouraging things unto the least of these, our brethren and sisters and little ones, we say it unto God.13 In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes

1. Lectures on Faith (1985), 72–73; emphasis added.

2. D&C 63:64.

3. Ecclesiasticus 28:17.

4. James 3:2–10; emphasis added.

5. Matthew 15:11.

6. In Conference Report, Apr. 1917, 43.

7. Matthew 14:27; Mark 6:50; John 16:33.

8. See 1 Nephi 3:28–31; 18:11–15.

9. Ephesians 4:29–32.

10. 2 Nephi 31:13–14; 32:2–3.

11. John 1:1.

12. See 1 Kings 19:11–12.

13. See Matthew 25:40.

December 13 2008,


To day I went to an auto auction in Ogden Utah, It was interesting when I was there i saw many different types of communication. A good example is you could see any time some one was going to vote by looking at there fachial expressions and the things they would do. It was also neat to see the way that the auctioneer was able to listen but also be loud.

Listen to Learn
Elder Russell M. NelsonOf the Quorum of the Twelve ApostlesListen to Learn

In his invocation for this session of conference, Elder Hugh W. Pinnock prayed that we might listen carefully. Many articles in Church literature have dealt with the important art of listening. 1 They support a proverb that teaches this vital lesson: “Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise.” (Prov. 19:20.) 2 Surely wisdom will come as we listen to learn from children, parents, partners, neighbors, Church leaders, and the Lord.
Children
Parents and teachers, learn to listen, then listen to learn from children. A wise father once said, “I do a greater amount of good when I listen to my children than when I talk to them.” 3
When our youngest daughter was about four years of age, I came home from hospital duties quite late one evening. I found my dear wife to be very weary. I don’t know why. She only had nine children underfoot all day. So I offered to get our four-year-old ready for bed. I began to give the orders: “Take off your clothes; hang them up; put on your pajamas; brush your teeth; say your prayers” and so on, commanding in a manner befitting a tough sergeant in the army. Suddenly she cocked her head to one side, looked at me with a wistful eye, and said, “Daddy, do you own me?”
She taught me an important lesson. I was using coercive methods on this sweet soul. To rule children by force is the technique of Satan, not of the Savior. No, we don’t own our children. Our parental privilege is to love them, to lead them, and to let them go.
The time to listen is when someone needs to be heard. Children are naturally eager to share their experiences, which range from triumphs of delight to trials of distress. Are we as eager to listen? If they try to express their anguish, is it possible for us to listen openly to a shocking experience without going into a state of shock ourselves? Can we listen without interrupting and without making snap judgments that slam shut the door of dialogue? It can remain open with the soothing reassurance that we believe in them and understand their feelings. Adults should not pretend an experience did not happen just because they might wish otherwise.
Even silence can be misinterpreted. A story was written of “a little boy [who] looked up at his mother and said, ‘Why are you mad at me?’ She answered, ‘I’m not angry at you. What makes you say that?’ ‘Well, your hands are on your hips, and you are not saying anything.’ ” 4
Parents with teenage youth may find that time for listening is often less convenient but more important when young people feel lonely or troubled. And when they seem to deserve favor least, they may need it most.
Wise parents and teachers, listen to learn from children.
Parents
Children of all ages, learn to listen, and listen to learn from parents, as Elder Oaks taught us this morning. Spiritually or physically, it can be a matter of life and death.
Several years ago, I was invited to give an important lecture at a medical school in New York City. The night before the lecture, Sister Nelson and I were invited to dinner at the home of our host professor. There he proudly introduced us to an honor medical student—his beautiful daughter.
Some weeks later, that professor telephoned me in an obvious state of grief. I asked, “What is the matter?”
“Remember our daughter whom you met at our home?”
“Of course,” I replied. “I’ll never forget such a stunning young lady.”
Then her father sobbed and said, “Last night she was killed in an automobile accident!” Trying to gain composure, he continued: “She asked permission to go to a dance with a certain young man. I didn’t have a good feeling about it. I told her so and asked her not to go. She asked, ‘Why?’ I simply told her that I was uneasy. She had always been an obedient daughter, but she said that if I could not give her a good reason to decline, she wanted to go. And so she did. At the dance, alcoholic beverages were served. Her escort drank a bit—we don’t know how much. While returning home, he was driving too fast, missed a turn, and careened through a guardrail into a reservoir below. They were both submerged and taken to their death.”
As I shared my feeling of sadness, he concluded: “My grief is made worse because I had the distinct feeling that trouble lay ahead. Why couldn’t I have been more persuasive?”
This experience will not have been in vain if others can listen and learn from it. Children, honor your parents, 5 even when they cannot give a satisfactory explanation for their feelings. Please have faith in this scripture, which applies to all age groups: “Hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother.” (Prov. 1:8.)
Parents have a divine duty to teach their children to love the Lord. 6 Children have an equal obligation to “obey [their] parents in the Lord.” (Eph. 6:1.) 7
Wise children, listen to learn from parents.
Partners
Husbands and wives, learn to listen, and listen to learn from one another. I was amused to read of an experience recorded by Elder F. Burton Howard in his biography of President Marion G. Romney: “His good-humored love for Ida was manifested in many ways. He delighted in telling of her hearing loss. ‘I once went to see a doctor about her hearing,’ he would say. ‘He asked me how bad it was, and I said I didn’t know. He told me to go home and find out. The doctor instructed me to go into a far room and speak to her. Then I should move nearer and nearer until she does hear. Following the doctor’s instructions, I spoke to her from the bedroom while she was in the kitchen—no answer. I moved nearer and spoke again—no answer. So I went right up to the door of the kitchen and said, “Ida, can you hear me?” She responded, “What is it, Marion—I’ve answered you three times.” ’ ” 8
Even with normal hearing, some couples seem not to listen to one another. Taking time to talk is essential to keep lines of communication intact. If marriage is a prime relationship in life, it deserves prime time! Yet less important appointments are often given priority, leaving only leftover moments for listening to precious partners.
Keeping the garden of marriage well cultivated and free from weeds of neglect requires the time and commitment of love. It is not only a pleasant privilege, it is a scriptural requirement with promise of eternal glory. 9
Wise partners, listen to learn from one another.
Neighbors
Learn to listen, and listen to learn from neighbors. Repeatedly the Lord has said, “Thou shalt love thy neighbour.” (Lev. 19:18; Matt. 19:19.) 10 Opportunities to listen to those of diverse religious or political persuasion can promote tolerance and learning. And a good listener will listen to a person’s sentiments as well. I learned much from Brother David M. Kennedy as we met with many dignitaries in nations abroad. When one of them spoke, Brother Kennedy not only looked eye to eye and listened with real intent, but he even removed his reading glasses, as if to show that he wanted nothing in the way of his total concentration.
The wise listen to learn from neighbors.
Church Leaders
Members, learn to listen, and listen to learn from Church leaders. Faithful members love the Savior and honor His servants, having faith in the Lord’s declaration that “whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.” (D&C 1:38.)
One day in Italy I met a wonderful priesthood leader and his wife. In him I saw a man with great potential. But my language was foreign to them. Through an interpreter, I challenged them to study the English language. They listened obediently and studied diligently. Now six years later, ably sustained by his wife, Carolina, Vincenzo Conforte is faithfully serving his second assignment as a mission president, interviewing missionaries well in Italian or in English.
President Ezra Taft Benson has proclaimed the importance of studying the Book of Mormon. People throughout the earth are being blessed as they follow this and other counsel he has given.
Gratefully we thank God for a prophet to guide us in these latter days. But many turn a deaf ear to his teachings, oblivious to his prophetic position. They do so at great risk, for scriptures contain this warning:
“A prophet shall the Lord your God raise up unto you … ; him shall ye hear in all things whatsoever he shall say unto you. …
“Every soul, which will not hear that prophet, shall be destroyed from among the people.” (Acts 3:22–23.) 11
President J. Reuben Clark, Jr., said, “We do not lack a prophet; what we lack is a listening ear.” 12 Words of the Lord are taught by His disciples. (See D&C 1:4.) Wise members listen to learn from Church leaders.
The Lord
Above all, God’s children should learn to listen, then listen to learn from the Lord. On several sacred occasions in the world’s history, our Heavenly Father has personally appeared to introduce His divine Son with a specific charge to “hear him.” 13
Jesus taught this first and great commandment: “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.” (Matt. 22:37.)
Scriptures recorded in all dispensations teach that we show our love of God as we hearken to His commandments and obey them. 14 These actions are closely connected. In fact, the Hebrew language of the Old Testament in most instances uses the same term for both hearkening (to the Lord) and obedience (to His word). 15
In addition to hearing the word of the Lord obediently, we manifest our love for God through prayer. And listening is an essential part of prayer. Answers from the Lord come ever so quietly. Hence He has counseled us to “be still and know that I am God.” (D&C 101:16.)
President Spencer W. Kimball said, “It would not hurt us, either, if we paused at the end of our prayers to do some intense listening—even for a moment or two—always praying, as the Savior did, ‘not my will, but thine, be done.’ (Luke 22:42.)” 16
In a world scarred by scourges of tyranny and war, many of its inhabitants earnestly pray for inner peace. For example, not long ago a beautiful young mother named Svetlana developed an intense desire to obtain a Bible. But in her city of Leningrad, a Bible was very rare and expensive. Frequently and fervently she prayed for a Bible. Ultimately, she and her husband were impressed to travel with their small child to Helsinki, Finland, with that hope in mind. There one day while walking in a park, she stumbled across an object buried under the cover of autumn leaves. She picked it up and found it to be a Bible written in the Russian language! Excitedly she recounted the story of this great discovery to another mother who was also in the park with her youngster. The second mother rejoiced with Svetlana and added, “Would you like to have another book about Jesus Christ?” Svetlana, of course, answered in the affirmative. The other mother provided Svetlana with a copy of a Russian-language edition of the Book of Mormon and invited the family to church. She eagerly embraced the teachings of the missionaries and shortly thereafter joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Then they returned to their home, where they have helped pioneer the work in the Leningrad Branch of the Church. 17
Her experience typifies this promise of the Savior to those who seek Him: “Thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more.” (2 Ne. 28:30; italics added.) 18
While stressing the importance of listening well, I am mindful of those who cannot hear. Many labeled as deaf have received the Spirit “by the hearing of faith.” (Gal. 3:2.) 19 The example of Rachel Ivins Grant is inspiring to me. She never complained about her own deafness. Though most women in their seventies would be completely worn out while rearing six growing children of another mother, she undertook that task. Rachel’s deafness seemed to save her from the wear and tear of noise. Sometimes, when two were arguing, Rachel would burst out laughing. She said they had no idea how funny it was to see their angry faces and hear none of their words.
Before her son, Heber J. Grant, became the seventh President of the Church, she declared, “Of course the greatest trial I have is that I cannot hear, but I have so many blessings I cannot complain, but if we only will live so that we may receive the instructions of God, there is nothing we are called to pass through but will be for our good.” 20
The Redeemer loves such faithful souls: “For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers.” (1 Pet. 3:12.)
They qualify for this prophetic promise: “Before they call, I [the Lord] will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear” (Isa. 65:24).
To all of God’s children, either able to hear or deaf to mortal sound, He offers this reward: “Incline your ear, and come unto me: hear, and your soul shall live.” (Isa. 55:3.) 21
Your soul will be blessed as you learn to listen, then listen to learn from children, parents, partners, neighbors, and Church leaders, all of which will heighten capacity to hear counsel from on high.
Carefully listen to learn from the Lord through the still small voice—the Holy Spirit—which leads to truth. 22 Listen to learn by studying scriptures that record His holy mind and will. 23 Listen to learn in prayer, for He will answer the humble who truly seek Him. 24
The wise listen to learn from the Lord. I testify of Him and certify that as we “hearken and … hear the voice of the Lord,” we will be blessed, “for the hour of his coming is nigh” (D&C 133:16–17), in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes

1. Examples include:Marvin J. Ashton, “Family Communications,” New Era (Oct. 1978), pp. 7–9.Lynne Baker, “Please Take Time to Listen!!” Improvement Era (Nov. 1968), pp. 110–13.Marilyn A. Bullock, “Listening to My Two-Year-Old,” Ensign (Jan. 1983), p. 70.Henry B. Eyring, “Listen Together,” 1988–89 Devotional and Fireside Speeches, Provo: Brigham Young University Press, 1989, pp. 11–21.Winnifred C. Jardine, “Listen with All of You,” Ensign (Feb. 1974), p. 51.Larry K. Langlois, “When Couples Don’t Listen to Each Other,” Ensign (Sept. 1989), pp. 16–19.Boyd K. Packer, “Prayers and Answers,” Ensign (Nov. 1979), pp. 19–21.H. Burke Peterson, “Preparing the Heart,” Ensign (May 1990), pp. 83–84.Viewpoint Editorial, “Giving with Your Ears,” Church News (13 Jan. 1985), p. 16.Young Authors, “Parents, Are You Listening?” Ensign (Feb. 1971), pp. 54–57.

2. See also Prov. 8:32–33; Jacob 6:12.

3. George D. Durrant, “Take Time to Talk,” Ensign (Apr. 1973), p. 24. See also James 1:19.

4. Florence B. Pinnock, “Let’s Listen,” Improvement Era (Oct. 1964), pp. 872–73.

5. See Ex. 20:12; Deut. 5:16; Matt. 15:4; Matt. 19:19; Mark 7:10; Mark 10:19; Luke 18:20; Eph. 6:2; 1 Ne. 17:55; Mosiah 13:20.

6. See Lev. 10:11; Deut. 4:10; Deut. 6:7; Deut. 11:19; Mosiah 1:4; D&C 68:25, 28; Moses 6:57–58.

7. See also Col. 3:20.

8. F. Burton Howard, Marion G. Romney: His Life and Faith, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1988, pp. 144–45.

9. See Eph. 5:25, 33; Col. 3:19; 1 Pet. 3:1; Jacob 3:7; D&C 132:19.

10. See also Matt. 22:39; Mark 12:31, 33; Luke 10:27; Rom. 13:9; Gal. 5:14; James 2:8; Mosiah 23:15; D&C 59:6.

11. See also Jer. 5:21; D&C 1:14.

12. J. Reuben Clark, Jr., “Not a Prophet—but a Listening Ear,” Improvement Era (Nov. 1948), p. 685.

13. See Matt. 17:5; Mark 9:7; Luke 9:35; 3 Ne. 11:7; JS—H 1:17; italics added.

14. See Ex. 20:6; Deut. 5:10; Deut. 7:9; Deut. 11:1; Deut. 30:16; Josh. 22:5; Neh. 1:5; Dan. 9:4; John 14:15; John 15:10; 1 Jn. 5:2–3; 2 Jn. 1:6; Mosiah 13:14; D&C 42:2; D&C 46:9; D&C 124:87.

15. That term was (shâma’), which means “to hear intelligently.” The term was used hundreds of times in the Hebrew Old Testament, as Israel was counseled to hearken to the word of the Lord and obey it.Different terms were used in some instances in the Hebrew text whenever reference was made to hearing or responding without implied obedience. Examples:• “They have ears, but they hear not.” (Ps. 135:17; see also Ps. 140:6; italics added.) (‘âzan) to give ear—to listen• “I will hear, saith the Lord, I will hear the heavens, and they shall hear the earth.” (Hosea 2:21; italics added.) (‘ânâh) to pay attention—to answer• “Lift up thy voice, O daughter … : cause it to be heard.” (Isa. 10:30; italics added; see also Ps. 10:17.) (qâshav) to give heedStill different terms were employed in the Old Testament when referring to obedience not to Deity but to other people. Examples:• “The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother.” (Prov. 30:17; italics added.) (yiqqâhâh) obedience, to obey• “The children of Ammon shall obey them.” (Isa. 11:14; italics added.) (mishma’ath) audience—obedienceThat link between listening and obedience is found not only in Hebrew, but in Latin and Greek. The word obey comes from two Latin roots: the prefix ob “to” or “toward,” and the root audio, audire “to hear” or “to listen.” This root occurs in words such as audio, audience, or auditorium. Literally, then, the word obey means “to hear or to listen toward,” that is, “to comply.”The word for obey in Greek, (hupakouo), literally means “listen under,” from hypo “under” as in hypo-dermic, also “in subjection or subordination” and the root akouo “hear, listen” as in acoustics. In New Testament times, its use was gradually broadened to less sacred realms, including expressions such as “children, obey parents” (see Eph. 6:1; Col. 3:20), “wives, [obey] husbands” (see 1 Pet. 3:1), “servants, obey … masters” (see Col. 3:22), and so on.A parallel pattern is found in the Book of Mormon. Use of terms such as listen, hear, and hearken, written at the time of the Old Testament, generally carried the same implication of obedience to Deity. Those terms in Book of Mormon scriptures written after the earthly advent of Christ were also broadened to include the more familiar usage, as in the language of the New Testament.

16. Spencer W. Kimball, “We Need a Listening Ear,” Ensign, (Nov. 1979), pp. 4–5.

17. Steven R. Mecham, president of the Finland Helsinki Mission, personal communication to the author, 26 Apr. 1990. Svetlana’s last name is Artemova. The name of the other mother is Raija Kemppainen, wife of Jussi Kemppainen, who at that time was president of the Baltic District of that mission.

18. See also D&C 29:7.

19. For example, see Anne C. Bradshaw, “Listen with Your Heart,” (New Era, Mar. 1989), pp. 28–31.

20. Woman’s Exponent, (1 and 15 Dec. 1902), p. 52. Earlier, at age 67, she wrote: “I look for the time when I will be able to hear by the power of God.” (Ibid., 15 Aug. 1888, p. 46.)

21. See also Mosiah 2:9; Alma 5:41; Alma 36:3; 3 Ne. 23:5.

22. See 1 Kgs. 19:12; 1 Ne. 17:45; D&C 85:6.

23. See John 5:39; Alma 14:1; Alma 33:2.

24. See Mosiah 9:18; Mosiah 23:10; Alma 9:26; D&C 19:23; D&C 112:10; Abr. 2:19; JS—H, footnote, para. 5, p. 59.

This is an amazing story a young man shared with my interpersonal communications class. This story illustrates true discipleship.

Author: GENE GARNER


After reading this devotional from Brother Southwick it reminded me of a profound experience that occurred on my mission; an experience that I would never forget.
I served in the Utah Salt Lake City mission and during our P-days we would go down to Temple Square and go to the Temple and possibly do some shopping at the malls in downtown SLC. My companion and I were walking east on South Temple on the opposite side of the Joseph Smith Memorial building. As we were walking toward the cross walk light that connected Temple Square to ZCMI mall food court I glanced over to the opposite side where we were walking and saw this elderly women who was dressed in all white. She had a pair of sunglasses and had a sign that read "Not the true church" nestled next to her. It looked as if she was trying to convey a message to the passersby and handing out literature to those who were trying to cross the street toward the ZCMI food court. As my companion and I were observing the elderly women, we then saw an Apostle of God walk out of the Church Administration building located next to the Joseph Smith Memorial building toward the crosswalk. I told my companion that was Elder Holland and he didn’t believe me thinking an Apostle might get shot on the streets of SLC. But sure enough it was Elder Jeffery R. Holland from the Twelve. We then proceeded to cross the street and heard this elderly woman speaking to Elder Holland and telling him how Mormons were going to “hell” and they have false prophets and false teachings and are of the devil. Elder Holland looked patient and examined every word this woman was speaking. As my companion and I finished crossing the cross walk and we heard this woman closing her speech by saying, “You need to know the truth, you need to find God,” then handed Elder Holland a pamphlet of anti-Mormon literature. We expected Elder Holland to teach her about the church or tell her that she was wrong or possibly rebuke her for what she was teaching to others. The experience that follows will ever be imbedded in my mind as this woman ended her conversation Elder Holland then took this elderly woman’s frail hands in to his and then ever gently kissed this woman’s forehead and whispered to her, “God bless you daughter.” That’s all that was said and he then walked toward us and we got our pictures taken with him. That moment in time remains frozen and that experience has provided me a great testimony of becoming “Christ like.”
I agree with Brother Southwick how the great measure of our discipleship is how we view others. Along those same lines I believe how we view others determines our relationship with our Father in Heaven. It brings to mind the definition of Prayer in the Bible dictionary, “As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our Father, and we are his children), then at once prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part… Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant…” Hoping our will is in connection with our Father’s will, which Moses states, “To bring to pass immortality and eternal life to men.” (Moses 1:39) I believe the closer we are to our Father in heaven the closer we are with his sons and daughters even our brothers and sisters. Having that intimate relationship with our Father I believe we will see others as he sees them knowing that every individual is great in the sight of God. (D&C 18:10) By having that realization of the significance of every ones potential and how “great” they really are we will then look, talk, associate, think, and understand that they are truly great, even the very literal heirs of God.
Sorry this was so long, not sure if any of you will go this far into my novel but these were just some impressions on my mind. Thanks!

Interpersonal communication

I have made this blog for the purpose of posting my communication life and different ways that i am going to improve it daily. For the next 30 days I will post something every day on communication or some thing about my communication with others.